Some days you spend hours looking for a story ......
Written by John of Gwent
.... And on other days they just fall into your lap.
Spare a thought for the poor colonising enricher as the month of starvation in the name of the Dead Paedophile comes to an end and sheep the world over start to look worried. Over here on what used to be a news website you can read how the cult's followers who have taken their dead Prophet's words to the ultimate and colonised the ends of the earth in his name have a spot of hand wringing to do over the way he said they should observe their religion's feasts and fasts.
Finland's a nice place. Well it was in the 1980's but then I suppose so were a lot of other places. Trees. Lakes. Scenery to die for. And a bit of a problem with the sun. You see, a very large chunk of Finland, like its neighbouring land masses, lies inside the Arctic Circle and inside the part of the earth that is within twenty odd degrees of the poles. Which means the sun does not set for six months of the year and does not rise for the other six. Even the areas to the south of that absolute boundary have a problem that it is hardly dark for six months and hardly light for the other.
For the indigenous population of course this is an excuse for a damned good sauna. And a means to conjure up a mythology that has the gods forsake you for half a year, and an "end of the world" myth centred around them being defeated and never bringing the sun back. A mythology that would drive anyone to drink.
But pity the poor enriching colonising moslem. The Dead Paedophile who recited their holy writ made it quite clear that his nomadic worshippers should adhere to the fasting and feasting demands of his rituals by observation of the times when no moon appeared in the night sky.
Not a problem for a bunch of bare arsed camel riders wandering round a desert where the lack of moisture means clouds hardly appear in the sky never mind piss rain on their parades. But the demands are a bit of a pisser in the climate enjoyed by the indigenous Brit. Oh how I laugh when I recall my colleague in University torn between his personal belief that if Greenwich says it's the new Moon then it is, and family elders demanding that they will not end their fast until they have seen the New Moon. And that was down here at 50 odd degrees North where all that mucked up their ideology was a bit of drizzle.
What then of the poor buggers who have colonised Finland in the Dead Paedophile's name? Half the country doesn't get dark enough to confirm the absence of the moon for six months and in the rest of it, by the time it is dark enough, the moon has dropped below the horizon and could not be observed anyway.
So they can't start slitting the sheep and goat's throats.