MUST white men jump (to throw money) because BLACK ones won't swim ?
Written by John of Gwent
I did say it was the silly season.
For some reason I cannot find the most recent article on the BBC News Search page any more, but while I was looking into the details of the jerk who screwed with the Boat Race and deserves in my view to be thrown back into that river with some lead attached to his feet to see how well he swims then, I fell over a page or six on the BBC site bemoaning the fact that Black Men Don't Swim.
Who gives an "expletive deleted" is my initial response.
You may remember that in a feeble attempt to divert media attention from his warmongering, Blair launched an initiative at the start of his third term in office to make the black and brown component of his ideal society go out and buy a pair of hiking boots and wander off into the woods.
It seems that despite holding open the door for all and sundry only one eighth of the BME population bother to appreciate the beauty of the land they've been handed on a plate which our ancestors fought to keep. A fact that Trevor Phillips could not stomach, so out came the "throw money at it in the name of diversity" bollocks.
For some reason, the BBC saw fit to make reference in a page I can no longer find to a "disaster" in the United States in which a couple of black children drowned and wring from it yet more diversity exclusion bollocks bemoaning the "fact" that black men don't swim because their great grandfathers were excluded from municipal pools built in the 1920's.
Over here the delightfully named "Lord Bonkers" (whether that relates to mental issues arising from inbreeding, or having nothing else to use the servants for with all that spare time on your hands I do not know) picked up the same story and ran with it two days ago, presumably he saw the same BBC page I did, and then linked to the only one left, from 2010.
Personally, I was not taught to swim until my last year of junior school when every class in the top year was packed off in a double decker bus to a Cardiff swimming baths that was some years ago demolished to make way for an Ibis Hotel and a swish portuguese restaurant much loved by Lib Dem councillors.
I took to the sport like the proverbial duck to water, not least because the chlorine meant everyone had lousy eyesight in the pool. After a month I was swimming 200 yards and diving (ok plunging more like) from the high board, but again maybe because like Eddie The Eagle Edwards I could not see what risk I was taking until I was in mid air and by then it was to late to climb back.
The ability stayed with me and even today although it may take me longer to swim it than it would take Trevor Phillips to walk it (he'd have to stop half way to catch the fish for his next miracle) I can still manage a mile or so in open water.
But one day the necessity of having one's children taught this rather vital skill was brought home. I was working in a city near the Grand Union Canal and came back to the pub where I was staying in a B&B to find the place awash with policemen after three kids had drowned in the canal after a towpath walk with their mother went horribly wrong.
I started my kids in a swimming class the next saturday and wouldn't give up taking them until each of them could do 200 yards (ok metres it was by then) and tread water, working on the assumption if they fell in to something they'd be able to deal with it until I could haul them out.
These days of course the eldest is herself an instructor, the youngest gave up swimming racing because it took up too much time from her 'GCSE' and 'A' level academic studies, but both have hauled the sorry half drowned arses of people twice their weight who should have known better out of dodgy surf and I have every expectation if I fell in the canal they'd haul me out.
The twenty month old grand-daughter is able to do 25 meres too, at the moment I'm still faster than her but I feel it is only a matter of time before I suffer the ultimate insult.
But no-one threw money at me to encourage me to get my children to the stage they are. Why should those of a different skin colour have my tax handed to them to persuade them to do as I did ?
Or is this perhaps yet another "olympic inclusivity" issue. If it is, I cannot for the life of me see why. God knows the black and minority ethnic community got plenty of training last summer for the track and field events. I mean, last summer's riots provided the perfect training camp.
They began with a torching ceremony, and then admittedly they had to improvise but they sure seemed to be doing well in the hurdles leaping through shop windows, and then put in masterful performances at the 5,000 and 10,000 metres, even though they had to improvise a little.
After all, on the olympic track one man fires a gun and ten black men run like hell.
In last year's training camp, although it seems a few did try to bring that element of realism, most had to put up with the two-tone police siren standing in as a substitute for the starter's pistol. It didn't seem to affect their fleetness of foot, though.